Archive for December, 2008

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further, the wife picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

On the PA system: 'Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down…'

• Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
• In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
• No one expects you to run–anywhere.
• People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
• There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
• Things you buy now won’t wear out.
• You can eat supper at 4 pm.
• You can live without sex but not your glasses.
• You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
• You sing along with elevator music.
• Your eyes won’t get much worse.
• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
• Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

And Remember!

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Change, indeed.

You have probably seen in many of catalogs that you are getting in the mail that you can force bulbs to produce cheery plants in the middle of winter. Amaryllis, daffodils and tulips are the favorites. However, with us all on tight budget maybe learning how to force bulbs instead of rely on someone else to charge so much may be the way to go.

Most spring bulbs can be forced to bloom indoors in the winter. These are few my choices: hyacinths, tulips, narcissus, grape hyacinths and crocuses. Narcissus is commonly interchanged with Jonquils and Daffodils.

Get two or three different bulbs that you feel might be good. Be sure to use bulbs that work well in your region.I am going to use Narcissus “Golden Dawn”, “Narcissus bulbcodium Conspicuus” and Narcissus “Precocious”. I chose these because they are suppose to grow well in the South and are known as heirloom bulbs.  Then you need a decorative pot, soil and moss to cover the bulbs and soil. The best soil mix for forcing bulbs contains equal parts of soil, spaghnum moss, and perlite or vermiculite.

Fill three-quarters of the container with potting mix. Plant bulbs closely together. (Remember the planting instructions do not apply to forcing in a pot.) The tops of tulip and narcissus bulbs do not need to be covered. The bulbs should then be watered in, meaning water well and keep watered. Then keep them watered in sunlight and wait four to six weeks to see your bulbs come up!

I have heard that forcing bulbs is hard on them and the best thing to do with them after they have bloomed is to just throw it in your compost pile when you are finished; but this frugal garden just pinches off the head and puts them in the garden. They seem to always make it!