Archive for January, 2009

As the river runs freely over the rocks, the fish swim in the small eddy and we stand on the river’s bank of change with the biggest question ahead of us. How do we get to the other side? The River is deep and there are rapids but with the wind in our face we take a deep breath and hope we can find a way to get to the other side. We hope there is a better view on the bank over there; that we will turn from that bank walk away over the horizon into a new era, a new hope, a better future.

I hope so.

“What does change mean?” asked Woodrow Wilson, the 28th President of the United States and a leading intellectual of the Progressive Era. We can ask this question again now as our 44th President, Barak Obama, steps into the limelight. Many of us on the river’s bank of change hope and know we are ready for this. We baby boomers are a living history, a generation that have experienced more history in our lifetime than many of us will ever truly appreciate. Until history has been written for our children the impact will not be known.  As a nation, as a world, that watched the inauguration we now have to ask, are we ready to do what it takes to make the dream come true?  Can we step up to the challenge and put aside the differences and put our country back on track with the hope President Obama has given us for the future?

There are a slew of issues that need to be addressed. On his first day in office he addressed the economy, war and many other issues. As the second day in office began we will saw what else Obama has on his plate.

But as I watch our new administration unfold I am pondering some other questions. Will everyone want these changes ahead? This week on the History Channel is a series of programs on what all 44 Presidents have accomplished–and what they have not.  In retrospect it seems that our country takes two steps forward for change and one back, making changes in baby steps. Can we now hope we can just get on and take strides?

As our first black President steps up to the plate , we  can also ask what  it will mean for social change–not just for black Americans but for all groups.  Can the strength to dream big be extended to all people who have been oppressed?

President Obama is a man of hope, of change and decisiveness–all character qualities I admire. But changes in the hearts of man do not occur because we can enact law. People of all color, heritage, religion, and ethos need to want change for it to happen.

An example where change in law did not make change in people is the Reconstruction after the Civil War. Why did it fail? The Reconstruction failed on many levels because the “mutual distrust of the Northerners and the Southerners remained close to the surface.” (Donald Stark)

Have we moved past this attitude today? I hope so. I hope we can cross over the river to the other side. I hope we have come to the point in history where everyone can see their dreams realized.

I hope that we make our differences work for us. I hope that the new administration is not a platform to criticize the past. If we all believe and hope with our 44th President then it is time to hope, to put aside the blame game and work together. To not blame the prior Administration but, take ownership for the future. I hope that America can do it. I hope…

Booyah! Starting to lose the weight! Now, on to dealing with chronic illness!

I weighed in yesterday to find that I have lost 7 pounds since I decided to do something about my arthritis (remember when I posted Aging is not for sissies a couple of days ago)! I am exercising more, and I have made an appointment to do something about my dang knee! I still “lurch” when I get up to walk. You know that walk that looks like a ship moving on high seas. And I have to crawl to a stand because of my back but! At least now I can move!  As an added bonus my husband has decided to travel with me on the road to health and he has started his own diet and exercise plan.

I searched for information using the phrase “so you don’t look sick”. Anyone who has a chronic illness that cannot visually been seen knows how difficult it is to convince others that you are not feeling well. For example, some days I hurt pretty bad and it makes me seriously bitchy. I get snippy. My husband or sister or anyone I know very well are not sure what sets me off. They wonder, “what did I do?” Most of the time it is just a matter of being flipping tired of dragging my aching body through the day. Many times it simply is a matter of not being able to tolerate one more thing at that particular moment. But since I don’t “look sick” it gets misinterpreted as me being a bitch.

I found this article on the perception of the outlook that chronically ill people have. I actually find that I’m much harder on myself than my family or friends will ever be. So I am sticking to my diet, losing the weight and will try to keep on keeping on. This article from But You Don’t Look Sick really hit home with me:

In the realm of chronic illness, one of our more challenging tasks can be gaining support from others. As if finding a knowledgeable and caring doctor wasn’t difficult enough, finding caring and supportive friends to surround ourselves with can be even more difficult. Most people are simply not capable of understanding, unless they have the misfortune of a chronic illness of their own.

How many of us have heard something along the lines of “But you don’t LOOK sick…?” It makes one wonder how a sick person is “supposed” to look. If one were to hobble around on crutches, would their illness suddenly become more believable? Our society understands the visible, physical manifestations of illness, such as a broken bone in a cast or hair loss from chemotherapy. What many fail to grasp is the subtle, invisible manifestations of chronic illness. Symptoms such as pain, severe fatigue, and cognitive impairments are not easily visible to the average observer, which means that sufferers of chronic illness often look “just fine”.

Our society is all about instant results – the mindset that we can just pop a magic pill and all our troubles will go away. When sufferers of a chronic illness do not quickly “get better”, we are often treated as if it were somehow our own fault. We may even be told that we are “hypochondriacs” or that “it’s all in our head”.

Remember when you had the flu? You were exhausted, achy all over, and could hardly get out of bed. But, fortunately, the illness passed and you were back to your old self and usual activities.

Now, imagine if you had never recovered from that flu. Every day, you wake up achingly sore and as tired as if you had not slept at all. Imagine trying to go through your usual activities while feeling this way. Not only do work, school, and regular tasks of daily living become near-impossible, but so do the smaller day-to-day things that so many take for granted, such as simply washing your hair or paying the bills.

It is stressful, it is exhausting, it is depressing… and yet the chronically-ill person continues on in the face of it all.

For those of you who may have, at some point, been the perpetrator of an otherwise well-intentioned comment, please understand that our illness is just as real as that of an amputee or other “visible” illness. To help aid those of you who wonder how to interact with a chronically ill person, allow me to present the Ten Commandments.

• Thou Shalt Not Imply That We Are Not Truly Ill.

You will not convince us otherwise with remarks such as, “You LOOK good,” or “But you don’t LOOK sick.” Even if you meant them as compliments, we perceive those kind of statements as insults because they imply that you do not believe us.

• Thou Shalt Not Imply That The Illness Can Be Easily Fixed.

People with chronic illnesses are persistent, if nothing else. We hang on, day after day. We see countless doctors, take numerous medications, do endless research, and continue hoping that the answer is just around the next corner. So please do not insult us by delivering diagnoses, remedies, or comments such as, “Why don’t you just…” or “Have you tried…” or “You should….” If it truly were that simple, I assure you that we would have done it already. We are sick, not stupid.

• Thou Shalt Not Imply That We Brought This On Ourselves.

We did not choose to become ill, just as we do not choose to stay ill. Simply having a positive attitude is not going to solve our problem. One would never imply that a quadriplegic chose such a trial for themselves, or could get better “if they really wanted to”. Please afford chronically ill patients the same respect.

• Thou Shalt Not Insult or Argue With Our Limitations or Behaviors.

If people with chronic illnesses push ourselves too hard, we can suffer serious consequences. Most of us have developed coping mechanisms to help us survive, and it is cruel to expect us to do more than we are able. One chronically-ill woman I know was actually told, “I wish I could have the luxury of sleeping all day.” Believe me, we would much rather be out working, playing, spending time with loved ones, participating in normal activities.

“Sleeping all day” is not a luxury for us – it is a critical necessity, one that we must take in order to protect whatever remaining health we have. Perhaps it may help to think of it in terms of being one of the medications we need to take. If you wouldn’t think of denying a diabetic their insulin, then don’t think of denying the sufferer of a chronic illness their critical need, whether it is a mid-day nap, avoidance of certain foods or environmental factors, or something else.

• Thou Shalt Not Imply That You Can Relate To What We Are Going Through.

Unless you have a chronic illness of your own, you cannot possibly understand just how much suffering is happening. Of course you want to be compassionate and want to relate to people. But when you try to do this by telling a chronically-ill person that you are always tired too, it tends to make the person feel that you are minimizing their suffering. Try saying something more along the lines of, “This must be so hard for you,” or “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” It really does make a difference to us.

• Thou Shalt Be Mindful Of Other Family Members.

Chronic illness doesn’t just affect the person who has it, but the whole family as well. The trauma of the illness can evoke feelings of fear, depression, anger, and helplessness in all family members. The balance of family dynamics will most likely change, especially if it is a parent who is ill. The healthy spouse may end up taking on an overwhelming amount of responsibility, and even chil
dren will likely be involved in helping care for the ailing family member. Please keep these others in your thoughts as well, and make an effort to direct some special attention to them, without any mention of illness or disability.

Individual family members adjust in different ways and at different paces. All members might benefit from counseling to help handle the stress involved, and each family member also needs to have time to pursue their own individual interests. External support from friends, neighbors, extended family, religious institutions, and support groups may help ease some of the burden.

• Thou Shalt Acknowledge Our Efforts and Celebrate Even Our Small Successes With Us.

For the chronically ill, any day that we can accomplish a task, no matter how small, is a “good” day! Our lives are often measured in terms of doctor’s visits and lab work, and our “success” measured by a rise in Natural Killer cell counts in our blood, or actually completing an entire load of laundry in just one day. Please do not look at us as if we are joking when we share these celebratory moments with you. Celebrate with us, be happy with us, and do not kill the moment by announcing that you just completed the Ironman Triathlon in record time.

• Thou Shalt Offer Thy Specific Help.

There are so many ways to help — the most difficult part is usually getting a chronically-ill person to accept that help. They do not want to feel like a “burden”. If you offer a vague, “Call me if I can help,” the call will probably never come. But if you are sincere, consider extending offers of specific help, such as a ride to a doctor’s appointment, or picking up a few groceries or the dry cleaning. These activities can be done in a way that does not add any extra burden to your own schedule. If you have to go to the grocery store for your own family, it really isn’t much extra work to grab an additional loaf of bread and jug of milk. If you have to swing by the post office, getting an extra roll of stamps or mailing an additional package isn’t much extra effort for you – but it can save a chronically-ill individual a lot of time, energy, and exacerbation of symptoms.

• Thou Shalt Remember Important Events.

I’m not just talking about birthdays and Christmas. A major doctor’s appointment, lab test, or new medication are all important events to the chronically-ill person. Try to sincerely ask, “How was your appointment? How did the lab test go? How’s your new medication?” The chronically-ill person will appreciate that you remembered, and that you cared enough to ask about it.

• Thou Shalt Get To Know The Person Behind The Illness.

The illness may be a part of us, but it’s not a part of who we ARE. We want to be known as more than “that sick person”. You may discover that we have a wickedly funny sense of humor, a creative imagination, musical talents, or any number of things that better describe who we are, and what we would rather be remembered for. (It makes for better gift ideas too — rather than presenting us with yet another self-help book on the power of positive thinking, now you can give us a CD from our favorite singer or movie of our favorite actor instead.)

Most of all, please remember that the chronically-ill person is more than worthy of love, friendship, and support. Most chronically-ill people I know are the toughest nuts I have ever met. Indeed, I have come to believe that a chronic illness is not for wimps – rather, only the toughest of the tough can continually face the struggles of life while battling a debilitating disease. That kind of grit deserves nothing less than pure respect and admiration, even from our toughest critic — ourselves.

I came across this web site when I was searching for information on complainers. Seems that I am not alone in the belief that complaining in our society is chronic.

If complaining is so negative, why would so many people be willing to fall into the habit? I mean we are talking about complaining about small stuff like, “not another day of rain!” to complaining about the economy or fellow workers.

Complaining has reached an all time high. I do notice when I watch the news I hear the voices of the commentator speaking in a state of urgency and stress. Many times reporting on inane news. Like who cares whether President Elect Obama wore his shirt surfing in Hawaii or not? What is that about?  Maybe it’s true that our society has become so bored from all the automation that the trivial things of life become important. That story of Obama was CNN top news for a few days. What! Who wears their shirt surfing in Hawaii? That is so insane!!!

And as I listened to shows on TV, conversations around me and the news I found it everywhere. Just yesterday I was taking my morning walk.  As I passed a neighbor I said, “good morning” and in reply he said to me, “I am tired of these cloudy mornings sure wish the sun would come out.” But it was balmy and well, nice. I live in the south for Pete’s sake, it is in the 60′s and 70′s right now how much nicer could we have it!

Then there are the expressions people use. I have noticed that if you don’t swear you can’t get a proper expression across. Like what the h…? See what I mean. And! And! If you are don’t complain or swear you are considered some kind of naive sappy sweet cake no one wants to be around.

I am not saying I’m above complaining but it wears me out to hear complaining all the time. I actually know some chronic complainers and I have tried everything to get them to buck up.  My attempts to cheer them up are met with a sarcastic: “so you think your Miss Suzy Sunshine or what?”  Suggesting reasonable solutions or telling them to pull themselves together doesn’t work either.

I even tried to ignore them, and then tried to complain along with them, but neither of these tactics worked out very well either.  I just ended up in a negative frame of mind, exhausted from the misery.

The irony?  Here I am complaining about the complainer!

So what works? I don’t know nor do I know if there ever will be a way to stop the pandemic complaining we are doing these days, but I for one, am really tired of it.

I do know that the complainer usually feels that their subject is something very important, and they want to be acknowledged.  The complainer believes that they have valid reasons to complain–and sometimes they do.

Okay I guess I have made my point here.

If I can’t stop the barrage of misery that comes my way, I can at least work on trying not to “own” the complaints of other people.  In fact, I’m making it a resolution for the new year. How about you?

As anyone who has a pet can attest they like our kids and we love them, dote on them in ways our children will never understand! I know you know what I am talking about! So when I got my latest newsletter from my local animal shelter I thought I would share the reminder that was sent out. Before you read on I promise I won’t look while you hug your pet today!!

This is from Kansas State Veterinary Medical Teaching Hospital Assistant Professor Susan Nelson, and fourth year veterinary medicine students — Christine Cocquyt, Greg Dobkin, Chris Brown and Sarah Boller.

1. Make sure your pet sees a veterinarian at least once a year for annual exams. This includes keeping its vaccine status up-to-date and checking for dental health, lumps and bumps, heart murmurs and other things an owner may not notice at home.
2. Be consistent with at-home health care for your pet, and give prescribed medication as directed. Keep your pet on year-round, monthly heartworm preventative. Regularly use flea/tick prevention, even if you have an indoor pet.
3. Get some sort of pet identification, whether it be a tag or a microchip. Photos are also a good way to help identify your pet if it should become lost. In general, try not to let your pet roam free. Keep it on a leash or in a fenced yard.
4. Pay attention to your pet. They get bored and may become destructive without attention. Polish up your pet’s manners. Practice at home or go to obedience classes. Teach your pet a new, fun, interactive game like fetch or speak. It keeps your pet motivated. Learn pet massage. Not only can this help to give relief to older, arthritic animals, it is also a good way to bond with your pet.
5. Pay attention to your pet’s hygiene. Trim the fat! Exercise and limit treats. “Treats do not equal love,” Cocquyt said. Groom your pet regularly. It’s interactive and it’s good to get dead hair out of the coat. You may also discover lumps or bumps that need to be checked by your veterinarian. Brush your pet’s teeth and/or have a professional take care of your pet’s dental hygiene. Learn to clip your pet’s toenails or take them somewhere to have them clipped. Long nails are uncomfortable and sometimes grow into foot pads or break, which is very painful. Scoop your cat’s litter box daily. Do an entire litter change once a week.
6. Spay and neuter your pet. Not only does it decrease the pet population, but it also has a lot of health benefits for the animal. “In spayed females, we see a decrease in mammary or breast cancer, uterine infection, uterine cancer and ovarian cancer,” Nelson said. “In neutered males, we see a decrease in prostate problems, testicular cancer, roaming, urine marking and inter-male fighting.”
7. Make sure collars fit properly, and check the collar often. You should be able to slide two fingers underneath the collar. For dogs, try a pet halter called a Gentle Leader. You avoid tugging and pulling on your dog’s neck. It’s especially good for unruly, big dogs.
8. Pet proof your house. Keep poisons in locked cabinets, keep poisonous plants and electrical cords out of reach and don’t leave out strings or ribbons for a cat to swallow.
9. Learn a fun fact about your pet’s species or breed. Research traits of a breed before buying it.
10. Donate money or items to your local animal shelter. They take in stray animals that often turn out to be lost pets. “One day, it could be your pet they reunite with its owner,” Nelson said.

Every year about this time as Americans are in the midst of the Holiday season we are ever mindful of ringing in the new year with a health fitness program. 2009 is no exception. The only difference for me this year is I have learned that I need to make a real life change not just a new year’s resolution.

I have Osteoarthritis. At 56 years of age it is owning me. It is genetic so after emails flying back and forth with my siblings that are older and younger I have a clear picture of where I have been and what to expect for the future. Anyone reading this that has arthritis knows the challenges that are experienced on a day to day level. I think the biggest challenge for me is there is no outside visual affect that reminds me that yes, I feel like crap and no, it is not going away. You know, like if you have a physical disability that can be seen it just seems to add more weight to the limitations of life.

But alas, it is what it is and after grieving the loss of health and knowing the future requires I make adjustments I found after meeting with my health provider some ways I can personally slow down the process and hopefully maintain a better quality of life as things progress. So starting at the beginning there are a couple of things I am doing because no, I can’t make it go away so I have to make friends with arthritis and cohabit.

First I am taking medication that my health care provider and I feel works the best. Of course as anyone with arthritis knows winter is a poor gauge to use as to whether this is helping or not! There is nothing like a cold day to remind you how it hurts! Secondly, a good nutritional diet which for me needs to include cooking because I love to cook so I will be finding meals that are nutritional and yet not weight gaining. And thirdly, an exercise plan.

My doctor says except for the arthritis I am good shape so I have a good baseline to work from. So I went back to Curves. Their innovative, 30-minute fitness concept combined strength training and sustained cardiovascular activity is safe and effectiv and it works. What I like best is I don’t have to “think” about exercise I just go and move through the exercise plan for 30 minutes and leave. And the ladies that work there are helping me so that the joints that are affected the most are getting relief. The proof is in the pudding’! All I can say is if you ever thought about something to improve your health Curves is a simple effective way to go.

As I make life changes Curves is replaced with walking and Tai Chi for a gentler way to manage the pain.

And so to keep me motivated I am going to share with you my progress good or bad, whether I succeed or not. Arthritis is a great motivator however, the pain is a constant reminder that something must be done or be ruled by it. So my first adventure is on Monday, December 29th. I am going to see a doctor about my knee. I am not sure how bad is or if I will need a knee replacement yet but what I do know is that exercise will help me strengthen those muscles so whatever has to be done will be done better.

So come with me on my journey, if any of you dear readers have tried and true hints to work with arthritis share. Diet, exercise, pain management, you name it! I don’t have all the answers but I do know that I mean to make a success of this. I walk one mile in the morning and one in the afternoon weather permitting and practice relaxation techniques.

Okay I will keep you posted and you join in too. I would like to hear how others are living with arthritis as well!