What makes me homesick?

The other day I got an overwhelming feeling of homesickness. My husband said to me, “do you need to go visit the kids”? In truth it was not about a place or people in my life that was making me homesick. I have moved so much in my life I have never been in one place more than ten years so I cannot say I am attached to a place, a house. And so after thinking about it for a bit I realized I missed the days before. Before what you may ask? Before the Great Recession, before the days of aging and the affects of declining health and I was missing when I felt free. Free to approach strangers to talk about anything. As a student of history I find that best stories come from the people I meet. I miss stories because before I was out there more and meeting strangers. And so I became homesick.

Another thing that made me homesick was the lack of spontaneity in my life these days. I got busy with living and have forgotten about the fun hiking trip when I would just wander through the woods “getting in touch with nature”. And I just “miss”. That was what it was that caused the homesickness.

I know that homesickness usually means missing family or home while away but for me it is about missing. I was just missing my memories and yes, when my home was filled with the laughter and noise of children and friends from days gone by.

I haven’t felt this way for a very long time. I love my home, my husband and dogs. I love my children and grandchildren and I am in constant touch with each and every one of them but the real homesickness started with missing the sun. It has been so dreary this winter on many levels. The weather, yes of course, it has been miserable and yes, most people are missing the sun. And I hear the lady that waits on me at Lowes or a friend on Face book or a relative that is droning weightily about the weather and I simply just miss the sun along with them and I am homesick for the sun.

I am homesick for a country that is happy. No one is happy these days. The pressure of the economy has everyone just stressed out, me included. Yes, me too! I am homesick for a more peaceable time. It just isn’t here.

So when I thought about homesickness and would going to see my kids be the ticket to relieve the homesickness I have to say no that is not it. I talk to them in email, Instant Messaging, phone or Face book daily. What is really making me homesick is, I miss happier times and sun. That is not what is making me homesick. And now that I know that I think I will just let it move on so I can get on with things.

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