Archive for the ‘Activism’ Category

When it hurts all over.

Chronic pain. You know it if you have it. You know it if you know someone with it or if you have heard medical research about it. Chronic pain comes in all forms and fashion. There is no one condition that causes it, there is no one lifestyle that is affected by it, nor is there no one cure-all with the right diet or drugs. One thing that can be said about chronic pain is that it hurts and it is never going away.

If you have chronic pain you know you live with it 24/7. You also know that most of the people who have it have no outward “sign” that says they are suffering from it. All the awareness in the world will not make it go away. And if you suffer from chronic pain you may know that it will only get worse the longer it exist.

There are two things that can be done about it. Either we can give into it or we can deal with it. We can grieve it and then get up and get proactive. Oh yes, that oversimplifies it if you have chronic pain. I know that. I began suffering from chronic pain in my thirties. So now, close to thirty years later I have felt it continually worsen. I cursed God and myself for having so much pain. I bartered with God to make it go away. I thought maybe exercise and proper diet would change my fate. Nothing I could do could change that I have chronic pain.

I have degenerative arthritis along with a break down in the autoimmune system. I was angry about ten years ago when my doctor told me what to look forward to. I said, “but I did everything right, I eat right, exercise, manage my stress and anything else I can do.” He just told me he was sorry but, “life handed me a raw deal and this is what you have.” Anger, helplessness, and grief became my friends for a few years. I took all the test. Blood tests, CatScans, MRI’s, some test that checked my nerve endings. I took the drugs and cortisone shots. I even had one doctor recommend carpal tunnel surgery. The only thing any of these tests did positively were pay a health care professional.

What I have come to realize, is there is no fix. There is only management. And acceptance. Then it is time to find a lifestyle that can best manage the chronic pain. So that is where I am now. If you have chronic pain you know that management does not mean lack of pain, it is still there. It only means you fine relief to relax once and awhile. I am thankful I can still move. I take walks every day, vital to keep the joints well oiled. Most days I am able to enjoy wonderful walks for 1-2 miles in the local forest or city park. That is a major blessing. I always watch my diet and weight. I take the supplements required and pain relievers so I can keep moving. That helps the chronic pain from arthritis. But know this, as soon as I wake every morning I am aware I am in pain until I fall asleep at night.

But the autoimmune issue needs to be dealt with separately. This one is much more limiting than the arthritis. With the arthritis I can take pain relievers, use a cane or wrap my knee. I can use heat or cold on the joints and I get relief. But I cannot manage the autoimmune issues this way. I get sick, can’t eat, and go to bed in sheer exhaustion for 24-72 hours. I never know what will set it off. It can be a positive or negative experience that excites me past normal routine, or not. I just don’t know, all I know is that it happens. For most people they just roll through the day to day ups and downs but for me it knocks me down. And even here I am learning the signals. I know a “episode” is coming when I sleep really hard accompanied with nightmares. Or I start stumbling and can hear myself slurring. This one can be an issue because once I fall I hurt myself. I have learned when to feel myself stumble once and I then I am on high alert. Time to watch my lifestyle so I don’t run my car into someone (yep, done that) or fall and crack a rib (that was not pleasant). Along with the stumbling comes a deep depression that unless you have experienced this kind of depression you can not describe it to anyone. I know it is happening and it is oppressive. The stumbling, the nausea, the depression all require immediate attention.

These conditions were limiting for some time. I couldn’t do much or was afraid to do much. Then I learned to work with it instead of feeling sorry for myself. I started getting productive again. I found things that I could do so if something happened I could take care of it. I went to college. I volunteer to Chair a Master Gardener Helpline for my County. I walk my Springer spaniel daily and do my own yard. My daughter got me active writing this blog and I network on social media. I do not work for financial gain because I am lucky that my husband provides for me. This is a great support during the bad days and I know others are not so lucky.

I am very much aware the conditions that cause my chronic pain will only worsen as time goes on. The TMJ, my knee and back pain will need attention, possibly surgery but, I am thankful for every day I have. I operate on a day to day basis now. I gave up making plans that fall through. I know I have 24 hours in the day. What I do with it is all have because there is no do over. The only time I give in to negativity is when the depression overwhelms me. It always feels like such a waste of time to be so useless for 24-72 hours. But I know that it will pass, and at least it does pass. Some people do not have the luxury of relief for autoimmune conditions. I have a husband to help me and we have children to help him out as I get older.

Chronic pain is here to stay, not just for me, but for others who have it. We have heard that talking about it helps. I think it does. What can those who know us do to help? Don’t try to fix it! Don’t say you should go to the doctor, frankly, I already know that and have been to more doctors than I care to count. Know that if a person who has chronic pain says they can not do something don’t pressure them. It is hard enough to admit you can’t keep up without someone prodding you on. And most importantly, just listen. I personally do not share enough with my family, I am told. Even my doctor says I don’t complain enough. Honestly this article was hard to write. But I thought of people I know who suffer from chronic pain or live with someone who does and I thought, why not share. I know it has helped me. I hope it helps you too.

The earth, third rock from the sun. The only known planet that inhabits human life. On this jewel of the universe live approximately 6.93 billion persons to date. There are seven continents that have approximately 196 countries in the world. Each country is divided into social groups of race, religion, economic status and geographic differences just to name a few.

In these social groups are what defines us as human beings. The definition of who you are can change in a heartbeat with information learned about us. For example, if a person lives in a certain place they are accepted as being part of the group then life is good. But what happens when new information is added to mix? What happens when those in the group find out there is different information, that there are things about a person that the group does not hold as normal.

I am reminded of the book Lord of the Flies where a group of British boys found themselves stranded on an island. Quickly they set up a social status. But as time goes on their principles begin to change. When fear of the unknown beast is introduced into their world they find themselves reduced to animalistic instincts where eventually they turned on Piggy. The boys’ struggle ends up when Piggy flies through the air and falls forty feet onto the rocks below by the sea, and is killed. When the boys are rescued they realize how far they have come from being civilized.

Being normal and being within the circle of normal is important to those who create this illusion. If they in fact learn that one of their own has secrets they do not agree with then they set up a social status to protect the group. It can start with avoidance. Looking away, not entering into a conversation with someone or criticizing the person. But usually the person being outlawed by this social group is never asked to find out the truth. Like the boys in Lord of the Flies prejudices move into place in hushed tones.

So why doesn’t the group ask? I remember when I lived in Belgium I worked at the International School of Brussels. I maintained a small book store for english speaking ex-pats. There was a lady there who was the school janitor. She was a person of color. She was from Morocco. I was polite to her. I never thought she did not deserve respect. We talked briefly, never anything in depth. One day she asked me if I would like to join her for lunch and try some of her cultural foods. I jumped at the chance. The food was wonderful made of couscous, garbanzo beans and many other delightful spicy foods. As we sat eating I asked her why she picked me to share this meal with out of all the people who worked there. She said it was because I was different. I didn’t prejudge. At the time I did not realize she was Muslim and it really did not come up in our conversation because it was not about what religion we were, it was about two women enjoying each other’s company and sharing.

I think back on that sometimes. When life was simpler before I came back home and felt the circle of normal and what was expected of me. I was never really good at closing people off because they are different than me. Whether it is race, religion or social class. And when I experience it, when I am the victim of it I always go back to Piggy and the boys in Lord of the flies for clarity on why humans define social mores.

I am a dreamer. I dream about a world that is not define by nationalism or the color of our skin. What religion we are or how much money we have. I hear absolute statements all the time about social groups. I heard today about how Republications are all rich and want to stay that way excluding other social groups. I have met Republications that are just good old fashion middle of the road. I personally have not knowingly met one of these rich Republicans and I am not sure where the idea they are all rich comes from. But it is one those things that defines a person.

Like our job or work status. When two people meet they generally start talking about the interests, their job and other things that categorize them. It allows each person to define the social mores to see if we are good fit. I generally find I am attracted to people who are open minded and do not complain about others. I have met and socialized with people from Germany, Belgium, Africa, Canada, Pakistan, Mexico, Viet Nam, and China just to name a few places. I am thrilled to have learn about the differences we have. I think it makes me a better person.

So when I look at this third rock from the sun I know there will never be a one world of peace and equality but it makes my piece of earth more pleasant to at least try to be “the change in the world that you want to see”, as Gandhi said.

Love this earth, love the people. The island of anger, prejudice and hate, well like the British boys of Lord of the Flies, I just want off that island!

This is one of my all time favorite songs by John Lennon. He was an amazing person. When he was writing songs during this period there was a great deal he wanted to say….enjoy.

I must of have chanted this song a million times during the 1970s. We all wanted to peace. We wanted the “Great Society” that LBJ talked of but it was not to be with Asia erupting with The Viet Nam war.

He even did remakes amazingly…..

When faced with a neighbor's barking dog how do you feel?

While I prefer to be just as tolerant and law-abiding as the next person, there comes a time when being law abiding and tolerant just plain doesn’t cut it. I love dogs and neighbors, just about equally and I hate barking dogs and neighbors who own barking dogs, just about the same. Since there seems to be parity in these equations, a simple answer should be available.

I’ve spoke to both neighbors twice and my wife has done the same, we’ve even notched it back a generation and I’ve spoken to her dad, hoping he might be able to talk his time-earned wisdom into the situation, each time to no avail. I have noticed a temp dog-muzzle, but it soon disappeared and we were back to the inevitable barking.

The toughest part of this to my way of thinking, at least once I’ve cooled down and put down the weapon that was in my hand, is that the animal is absolutely innocent and the owner is guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt. So do I pick up the weapon and rid humanity of the violator or try and think of some other way to solve what has become the never-ending problem?

In life we have many crossroads and this appears to be one for me. Why is this barking such a issue for me? I can see reason, I’m home too much, if I did a better job of occupying myself with things to do outside off the home, I might not notice the large dog next door barking his damn fool head off. I must be running down on my medications, excuse me for a minute.

Ok, back, I do notice that my neighbors both are gone from early in the morning until after late afternoon, they are able to miss the whole thing. I do notice that sometimes it takes very little to set me off and I become awfully close to getting down right nasty to not just my wife, my daughter, the lady at the grocery store last week, that crazy guy turning in front of me yesterday, the kids playing loudly outside when I was trying to read, the person way up the street running his power-washer on a Saturday morning, those stupid birds singing so early this morning, the guy who I just hung up on the phone to.

Hmmm, Don’t tell me I’m part of the solution.

“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms–to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ` Viktor Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning)

Dr. Viktor Frankl has been a guiding light for me throughout my adulthood. He suffered unimaginable trauma in Nazi death camps during WWII. His experiences are what drove him to his life’s work after the war. He advocates logotherapy, a therapy which helps patients rediscover meaning in their lives. Frankl gave me back my morality. Logotherapy is “a highly directive existential psychotherapy that emphasizes the importance of meaning in the patient’s life especially as gained through spiritual values”. When I read his book I was not going to a therapist nor have been to one since. The information contained in Man’s Search for Meaning is enough to offer anyone hope.

Frankl’s restorative suggestions is a plummet line for morals. I think I always have had a strong moral compass. I would say things were not right as a child but I was poo poo’d away. I know when things do not feel right. But there was a time my moral compass was led astray.

That was during the 1960-70s when feminism was first being discovered on the heels of Betty Friedan’s book, The Feminine Mystique. Then what rushed in was the second wave of Women’s Lib, as it was called. Women demanded equal pay, equal treatment and burn their bras along with demanding the right to make choices about their body sexually. It seemed so progressive but in hindsight it was a moral breakdown for women. Sure women have began to break the glass ceiling on the job but sexually things have not progressed as had hoped. It was obvious that free sex benefited men so what was the freedom women were looking for? Now what has happened is some women feel like their rights are threatened if they cannot choose how to dress. That freedom to choose how they dressed is directly linked with choosing to wear clothing that uncovers their bodies more and more.

I recently got into a discussion about women’s dress with other women my age. There was a heated debate over how Muslim women dress. The concern is that Muslim men are forcing Muslim women to cover themselves up. Thus taking away their freedom of choice. So you know me, I asked. I want to know really what is the reason behind this heated debate.

The way we dress and other behaviors bespeak who we are. I did my homework I read the Quran on dress and once again I asked my Muslim aka The Q. She cautioned me as a reminder that I needed “to be sure to clarify that not all Muslim women interpret the call for modesty to include wearing the scarf or hijab.” I looked up an article on Why do Muslim women wear the hijab?” Clearly there are good reasons. Modesty is foremost. It is not unusual for a religion to be identified by dress. Hasidic Jewish women wear a modified dress of modesty. Their orthodox values require that both men and women substantially cover their bodies. Their clothing is how I identified that I was in the Jewish Sector in Antwerp, Belgium. And in Christendom, in Catholicism, for many years you could see women wearing a head covering in church. Quaker and some Mormon sects are identified by their dress of modesty. So for all religion modesty of dress is just not that unusual. So why all the contention about how Muslim dress? It isn’t about dress or modesty, it is about our view of the Arab world since 9-11. They stand out in public, noticeable reminders of our fear of terrorists. We hear so many negative things about treatment of women under the Taliban that we believe that all women in Islam are controlled and dominated. I am here to tell you as a Christian I have met and know Muslim women that can go toe to toe with anyone in a debate on feminism. Ask their husbands how much crap they take!

What I think is that “as women de-emphasize their bodies, the severe imbalance will be at least partially rectified.” Women themselves use dress to identify themselves. Case in point is Lady Gaga. Here dress defines her as well as her music. When women speak of freedom to dress the way want they sometimes, not all the time, subject other women to their choices of lack of clothing. Freedom has somehow equated to less clothing. How does that work? How is that freedom? Sometimes, as I learned from my debate with other women, it isn’t men who are the problem it is the other women. Women who are modest want to have the right to be modest without being considered dominated. Not all women are happy about immodest clothing.

This is a wide generalization but let me get personal. I was alive during the 1960s. There was nothing moral about free sex, multiple partners or drugs. The group of people who wanted their freedom chucked their morals to get it. As time went on there was a noticeable change to looser morals. So when modest people of Islam, Judaism and Christendom decide to dress modestly they are considered outsiders. Out of touch nerds. Nothing could be further from the truth. Modest dress does not equate ignorance. I am a college graduate and so are many of the Muslim and Christian women I talked with.

Dress is only one facet of morality. Actually I think what really drives me in my decision making is my inner moral compass. I do not need a church or society to remind of what is acceptable behavior. Like knowing that we are cohabiting on this planet with others and there should be a code of something so that we can all survive. The animal kingdom is a prime example of this cohabitation that is acceptable. Animals know how to read each other, how to give each other space. And those who fall outside of the code are not acceptable. We are suppose to be higher than animals but so many times I read in the news codes of conduct that are just flat amoral. Torture, murder, pedophilia just to name a few are example of falling outside of a code of normal.

I hope I have taught my children to have a code. Through the years I have had people ask me what I wanted for my children. The answer has always been the same. I want them to be happy, do what they love and not be a blight on society. I have gotten all three. Sure I could have said I want them to be President or go to Africa to save everyone from hunger. But if they do these three simple things they may just reach goals I could never imagine.

Now after doing this three part series about patriotism, religion and morals I find that I have recovered from the memories of the home I had as a child. That I have grown in understanding that we all know comes from age and experience. And I know what I want in this life. No holds barred. Can anyone ask for more? Morality is not about religion it is about a inner code of ethics that a person adheres to. It is knowing as Dr. Frankl teaches that only we have control over how process what is happening to us. What we do with that information defines us all.

The farthest back I can remember is sitting in a church pew with my siblings and mother at church. I was very young. We became part of a church community. Not bad as I can remember but then my mom had to work full time, she was tired and we started missing church. I was the only one of my siblings that kept going to church. I would go with my neighbors in grade school. I liked it, I felt like it was where I should be. By the time I hit the teens I was not even interested in church. But one thing it taught me early on was not to be follower. So as I hit the teens I was always crusading a cause to my peers. Mostly they didn’t want to hear it. But I was keenly aware of my religious background.

I am a Christian. I make no excuses, do not plan to change that nor do I condemn those who are not. I have gone to several different sects of Christian churches, belonged to only a couple. They all have one thing in common. They all believed they were the direct line to the Almighty. It caused me to reflect on the hostility that is in religion today.

My main goal is be a peacemaker. I faithfully raised my kids to be good Christians, follow good morals and rely on the Almighty to guide them. The catch when it started to unravel was people. No one can agree what the tenets from God are. It didn’t jive with what I thought the Almighty was about. I didn’t believe that only one sect of Christianity has the only road to salvation. It doesn’t jive with me still. I am a proponent of interfaith. I think all religions should cohabit together. If you are Christian you probably know that there are about 38,000 denominations of this said religion. All with their personal twist of faith, the hereafter and judgment day. Same holds true if you are Jewish you know there a quite a few different denominations or are they sects? The Christian denomination I belonged to had many similarities to Judaism. If you are Muslim I found four major sects, didn’t look at all the denominations.

This led me to wondering why we lump together all denominations to say, “Christians do that or Jews do this, or Muslims do whatever”. Which Christian faith are we talking about? If you say Catholic that is going to be a lot different than Protestant. Or if you say Jews do this or that what denomination are talking about Orthodox or Reformed or another group? The Jews in America are way different that those in Israel. Same holds true with Islam when we say Muslims are about this or that are we talking about Sunni, Shi’a, Sufism or their subdivision?

The reason that religion has impacted me of late is directly tied into the 9-11 experience. It feels as if the mood has shifted in America and makes me think of WWII when the Japanese Americans were isolated in Internment Camps because of the fear they were working for Emperor Hirohito. Because they had yellow skin and slanted eyes they were easy to target as different and something to be feared. It didn’t matter to many that Japanese Americans joined the military to fight against Japan. Now it is the Muslims turn. The terror is about fear. They all want to take over because you see, that must be their Jihad.

And so since religion effects me deeply I want to know. I really want to know. I do not want to be afraid that Islam is going to take over and all Muslims plan is to exterminate all unbelievers. Isn’t that the real fear we are talking about in hushed tones? So I wanted to know, what the heck is a Jihad anyway. So off to my history books and the Internet I went. Do any of us really take the time to know what a Jihad is or do we believe that it is what Al Qaeda advocates which is: international organization of loosely affiliated cells that carry out attacks and bombings in the attempt to disrupt the economies and influence of Western nations and advance Islamic fundamentalism. First I went toWikipedia for a definition. Then I decided to ask a Muslim a to validate what I found which is, “Muslims use the word in a religious context to refer to three types of struggles: an internal struggle to maintain faith, the struggle to improve the Muslim society, or the struggle to defend Islam.”

So where does bombing the World Trade Center fit into that right? Okay so my Muslim aka the Q tells me that this is the correct translation, the one I found. She said that in fact “, the Qur’an very clearly states that Muslims should only fight when they are being oppressed and as soon as their oppressors let up they should cease any violence. Fighting is only for the purpose of defending your family/home.” So how is that different than me as a Christian? Doesn’t my family fight off oppressors through military conflict or by protection of the family and home? The problem is the terrorists that have put us all at unease are hiding amongst the everyday Muslim. Just like the Japanese. Our solution then was Internment Camps, I sure hope we do not reduce ourselves to that again.

Using a ethnic group to hide behind is not new. One of the reasons that my dad was affected at the Battle of the Bulge was that the Nazis used this tactic. They infiltrated allied lines and pretended to be American or one of the other allies speaking and acting like them. You just got to where you didn’t know who was on your side. Talk about a mind trip! No wonder they were so messed up.

This has all affected my outlook on my faith in the Almighty. One of my favorite movies is the Ten Commandments. Charlton Heston plays Moses. He is grappling with his faith because of the oppression he sees. He looks thoughtful as says “If there is a God he did not mean this to be so”. I so agree. And this is what shapes my faith, my religion. I simply can not imagine a God who has made this planet in this solar system, universe and so on to purposely mean to have humankind to be so divided. I believe there is a God however, I do not think he can be involved with all the strife that we humans are bringing on ourselves.

Religion is closely to related to my view of morals. I have seen people do and say things in the name of religion that are not moral. Professed to be leaders of faith in the face of these immoral acts. I do not disown God for that. I hold my morals as my most important tenet by which I live. In Part 3 I will share what my morals are and how I have arrived at them.