“He who stands for nothing will fall for anything”

~Alexander Hamilton~

Marla started out the day thinking, “I can take on new goals, maybe this close to the new year a good resolution or two would be good”. Not a bad a idea. Maybe now with things getting a bit better she could actually breath a sigh of relief. Maybe.

But her hopes were dashed when she stepped out to walk the dog and grab the paper. Another big corporation is planning to attach fees just for paying your bill. Verizon slaps customers with new fees just as we face a new year. Wasn’t it just sixty days ago that the bank slapped on fees? And what about the credit companies? Aren’t they getting greedy too? Marla’s head was spinning, she was tired. Every day for that past three years a burdened dark cloud has set over her as the Recession deepened. She thought that with the new year she could make a fresh start but now it is obvious that her days will be filled with financial worries as the new year begins.

She thought about it over breakfast. Just a simple cup of coffee with a bowl of Raisin Bran seemed to help to clear her head. She started thinking of her project she was working on about Japanese Internment camps during WWII. What struck her about this project was the Japanese-American community found that under the most dire of circumstances as a citizen they relied on gamon. What was mistaken for weakness was perseverance, a quiet determination so that they could get through that horrible experience. And she knew enough to know that yes, they did endure and were released. Gradually rebuilding their lives focusing on what they could do instead of the overwhelming negative experience. It would take decades before the government would offer an apology and a financial recompense. So these citizens just kept on with perseverance.

After she laid the paper down and thought about it Marla too, decided it was time for a inner strength. She needed to have conviction. Things she could believe in, things she could do to make a difference in her own life as well as have a positive affect around her. If it had not been for the economy faltering she may not have found herself affected so negatively by all the anger around her. The only way really to start anew is with conviction and now Marla thought, “with reliance on gamon surely I can turn my own disillusionment into endurance”.

She rushed to grab her laptop to start writing down her ideas. “What is important to me”, she thought. As the thoughts began rushing through her fingers they started to take form. One thing she knew is that she couldn’t control the economy but, she could control her conviction in things she believed in. She wrote things down that were important to her. The list began with, child abuse awareness, animal abuse awareness, hunger and the homeless. These are things she could at least support and find ways to create awareness. What she had learned about the Japanese-Americans during the internment period was they did not start anger groups nor did they incite mob action. Okay she wrote, “broad generalization” because someone was not just going to persevere. But on the whole they really tried.

So after finishing writing down her ideas and finishing her cup of coffee to clear her head Marla decided that yes, the new year will be better. My new resolution this year she said aloud is, “to practice gamon and have conviction”. And so with that settled off she went to start the day.

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

~Japanese Proverb~

When it hurts all over.

Chronic pain. You know it if you have it. You know it if you know someone with it or if you have heard medical research about it. Chronic pain comes in all forms and fashion. There is no one condition that causes it, there is no one lifestyle that is affected by it, nor is there no one cure-all with the right diet or drugs. One thing that can be said about chronic pain is that it hurts and it is never going away.

If you have chronic pain you know you live with it 24/7. You also know that most of the people who have it have no outward “sign” that says they are suffering from it. All the awareness in the world will not make it go away. And if you suffer from chronic pain you may know that it will only get worse the longer it exist.

There are two things that can be done about it. Either we can give into it or we can deal with it. We can grieve it and then get up and get proactive. Oh yes, that oversimplifies it if you have chronic pain. I know that. I began suffering from chronic pain in my thirties. So now, close to thirty years later I have felt it continually worsen. I cursed God and myself for having so much pain. I bartered with God to make it go away. I thought maybe exercise and proper diet would change my fate. Nothing I could do could change that I have chronic pain.

I have degenerative arthritis along with a break down in the autoimmune system. I was angry about ten years ago when my doctor told me what to look forward to. I said, “but I did everything right, I eat right, exercise, manage my stress and anything else I can do.” He just told me he was sorry but, “life handed me a raw deal and this is what you have.” Anger, helplessness, and grief became my friends for a few years. I took all the test. Blood tests, CatScans, MRI’s, some test that checked my nerve endings. I took the drugs and cortisone shots. I even had one doctor recommend carpal tunnel surgery. The only thing any of these tests did positively were pay a health care professional.

What I have come to realize, is there is no fix. There is only management. And acceptance. Then it is time to find a lifestyle that can best manage the chronic pain. So that is where I am now. If you have chronic pain you know that management does not mean lack of pain, it is still there. It only means you fine relief to relax once and awhile. I am thankful I can still move. I take walks every day, vital to keep the joints well oiled. Most days I am able to enjoy wonderful walks for 1-2 miles in the local forest or city park. That is a major blessing. I always watch my diet and weight. I take the supplements required and pain relievers so I can keep moving. That helps the chronic pain from arthritis. But know this, as soon as I wake every morning I am aware I am in pain until I fall asleep at night.

But the autoimmune issue needs to be dealt with separately. This one is much more limiting than the arthritis. With the arthritis I can take pain relievers, use a cane or wrap my knee. I can use heat or cold on the joints and I get relief. But I cannot manage the autoimmune issues this way. I get sick, can’t eat, and go to bed in sheer exhaustion for 24-72 hours. I never know what will set it off. It can be a positive or negative experience that excites me past normal routine, or not. I just don’t know, all I know is that it happens. For most people they just roll through the day to day ups and downs but for me it knocks me down. And even here I am learning the signals. I know a “episode” is coming when I sleep really hard accompanied with nightmares. Or I start stumbling and can hear myself slurring. This one can be an issue because once I fall I hurt myself. I have learned when to feel myself stumble once and I then I am on high alert. Time to watch my lifestyle so I don’t run my car into someone (yep, done that) or fall and crack a rib (that was not pleasant). Along with the stumbling comes a deep depression that unless you have experienced this kind of depression you can not describe it to anyone. I know it is happening and it is oppressive. The stumbling, the nausea, the depression all require immediate attention.

These conditions were limiting for some time. I couldn’t do much or was afraid to do much. Then I learned to work with it instead of feeling sorry for myself. I started getting productive again. I found things that I could do so if something happened I could take care of it. I went to college. I volunteer to Chair a Master Gardener Helpline for my County. I walk my Springer spaniel daily and do my own yard. My daughter got me active writing this blog and I network on social media. I do not work for financial gain because I am lucky that my husband provides for me. This is a great support during the bad days and I know others are not so lucky.

I am very much aware the conditions that cause my chronic pain will only worsen as time goes on. The TMJ, my knee and back pain will need attention, possibly surgery but, I am thankful for every day I have. I operate on a day to day basis now. I gave up making plans that fall through. I know I have 24 hours in the day. What I do with it is all have because there is no do over. The only time I give in to negativity is when the depression overwhelms me. It always feels like such a waste of time to be so useless for 24-72 hours. But I know that it will pass, and at least it does pass. Some people do not have the luxury of relief for autoimmune conditions. I have a husband to help me and we have children to help him out as I get older.

Chronic pain is here to stay, not just for me, but for others who have it. We have heard that talking about it helps. I think it does. What can those who know us do to help? Don’t try to fix it! Don’t say you should go to the doctor, frankly, I already know that and have been to more doctors than I care to count. Know that if a person who has chronic pain says they can not do something don’t pressure them. It is hard enough to admit you can’t keep up without someone prodding you on. And most importantly, just listen. I personally do not share enough with my family, I am told. Even my doctor says I don’t complain enough. Honestly this article was hard to write. But I thought of people I know who suffer from chronic pain or live with someone who does and I thought, why not share. I know it has helped me. I hope it helps you too.

Halloween is a lot of fun for is humans, but poses some special risks to our pets. Pet costumes, scary people costumes, candy, trick or treaters, and parties all have special risks for our pets so we ask everyone to plan ahead to keep your pet(s) healthy and safe.

• That big bowl of candy may be bad for our waist lines, but can be quite dangerous to our pets! Chocolate can be toxic, candies containing the artificial sweetener Xylitol can cause problems, and just think of all of those candy wrappers, lollipop sticks and such that a pet might consume! Please keep all candies safely out of reach of your pets and don’t leave Fido unattended with a big bowl of candy at the front door.

• Carved pumpkins with burning candles could be knocked over by a playful pup or curious kitten causing a fire so make sure pets and ‘lighted’ Halloween decorations are not left alone. (You might also want to keep your dog(s) up if you have candle decorations burning outside lest your male dog ‘extinguish’ your fun!)

• And you may think your dog or cat looks cute in a costume, but how does your pet feel? Some pets love playing along while others find it very distressing If you do dress up your pet, make sure the costume doesn’t constrict their movement, hearing or breathing. Also check to make sure there are no dangling pieces that your pet could get caught in or chew on. And if your pet seems distressed, or even allergic, then put your pet’s comfort first and nix the costume all together.

• If you are having a party, probably best to keep your pets in a separate room so they won’t become scared or even protective when they see humans in odd and scary costumes. This will also help protect them from being fed inappropriate food, treats and candy by kind, but uninformed party guests.

• Please also keep your pets in another room or part of the house if you are opening your door for trick-or-treaters! It would be easy for a pet to escape and we certainly don’t want a pet to be freaked out by scores of children in all manner of costumes resulting in either a lost pet or, worse, a bite.
• And finally please make sure your children are aware that their Halloween Candy should NOT be shared with their special furry friend. Perhaps make a special ‘pet candy bowl’ with small doggy or kitty treats that are safe for them and that your children can safely share while they have their own ‘treats.’

“When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween.” Author Unknown

Humane Society of Elmore County News – 24 Oct ‘11

Rea Cord, Director

One Woman’s Story of Survival Inside an Iranian Prison

By Marina Nemat

I was handed this book by a friend. At first glance I was prepared to hear the story from the point of a view of a Muslim woman but when I began reading it I realized that Marina Nemat is a Christian.

Much has been written from a historical point of view regarding the period in Iran when the Ayatollah Khomeini’s brutal Islamic Revolution took place. The author was a mere sixteen years old when she was arrested, tortured and sentenced to death for political crimes. She tells her story from the stand point of being a young woman, having her youth ripped apart under a brutal regime of power. This is not the first time that a story like this has been written. I am reminded of the Diary of Anne Frank that was given consideration after the Nazi regime lead by Adolf Hitler fell. In fact, there are many similarities of abuse of power under both Islamic Revolution and the Nazi takeover.

Nemat shares with us her brutal torture, the effect that the torture and death of her peers had on her and her responsibility to her family so as to not implicate them through interrogation. Nemat was well passed this period of her life when the emotions of post traumatic syndrome found root. She was married at the the time she wrote her story and had two children that she needed to consider before she opened up about her life in Evin Prison in Tehran, Iran.

Throughout her memoir Nemat struggles with survivor’s guilt. She said “I don’t think a survivor can ever overcome his or her guilt but I have to face it”. She was forced to convert to Islam under threat of torture to her family and marry a man she did not love to protect them. But in spite of that she found a deep love with the Muslim family she married into. She did not love the man she was force to marry but the book ironically shows a strong loving family as opposed to her family of origin.

Her conflicts of right and wrong throughout the book are the conflicts of a innocent child. Her husband was a interrogation officer at Evin, he himself a survivor of torture and imprisonment there. He eventually was assassinated for his views. She blamed him for not doing more to save the many people that were locked inside the prison. As I read this part of the account I was struck with the naïve view of a young woman to believed that this man, Ari, could have that much control. And that she did not see the times he worked hard at helping those within his reach.

On page 127 she states, “Did the world know about us? Was anyone trying to save us? Deep in my heart I knew that answer to both of these questions was no.”. When I read this account I was taken further back to another time and place to the concentration camps of Nazi Germany. Much has been written in the history books about the genocide of the Jewish Community. But it wasn’t just the Jews who were targeted by the Nazis. It was anyone and everyone that was not for the Nazis. If you were Christian, atheist or had a lifestyle different that the Aryan dream. If you would not serve as a loyal German Nazi you were targeted for the camps. Many people did not know or want to know about it and in fairness to the international community it has to be said that news propaganda sometimes does not gives us a clear picture of what people were faced with. Many of the horrors of that time we seen in hindsight.

Same held true in Nemat’s memoirs. Many of her friends were communists, Christian or Muslim. At the time of the Iranian Revolution the regime came down hard if you were against the revolution. Propaganda was running rampant with chants drilling hate of the West with control of the media so the Iranians only got to see what the revolutionaries wanted them to see. School were breeding grounds for the new regime propaganda. Women were targets. They had to fit a certain criteria so that they did not manifest “satanic” western lifestyles. They could not wear makeup, paint their nails or could not be seen in public without the proper hijab attire. If they were seen with even a little bit of their hair accidentally free of the head covering that could be a grounds for a good beating. Young people could not show affection, let alone hold hands in public. Everyone feared their actions would land them on the wrong side of the Revolution or implicate their family somehow.

The memoirs are a quick read but intense at times. Memat hopes that her story will open the minds of the international community to speak up about the abuses that women under such oppressive dictatorships live. However, when I read this book I felt that many people already know about the abuses of the women in these situations. Memat requires the reader to engage in a political statement. I believe that reading what she has to say it is a good thing if the reader is enlightened. Not all are suited to be political targets themselves but from her story maybe their compassion will be enhanced.

I felt that Memat lives in a fantasy world that right will win out and the world will see the bad that is happening and eliminate it. That is the voice of a sixteen year old girl. Not the voice a woman who knows there is more in this world than just right and wrong. This book is not for everyone but, certainly is educational. Overall a good read, I felt it was worthy of a book review.

The book is a mere 321 pages. Easy reading and flows well. It has been translated in twenty-two languages and has become an international bestseller. It now available in paperback. It is also available on Kindle at www.amazon.com.

The e

In these social groups are what defines us as human beings. The definition of who you are can change in a heartbeat with information learned about us. For example, if a person lives in a certain place they are accepted as being part of the group then life is good. But what happens when new information is added to mix? What happens when those in the group find out there is different information, that there are things about a person that the group does not hold as normal.

I am reminded of the book Lord of the Flies where a group of British boys found themselves stranded on an island. Quickly they set up a social status. But as time goes on their principles begin to change. When fear of the unknown beast is introduced into their world they find themselves reduced to animalistic instincts where eventually they turned on Piggy. The boys’ struggle ends up when Piggy flies through the air and falls forty feet onto the rocks below by the sea, and is killed. When the boys are rescued they realize how far they have come from being civilized.

Being normal and being within the circle of normal is important to those who create this illusion. If they in fact learn that one of their own has secrets they do not agree with then they set up a social status to protect the group. It can start with avoidance. Looking away, not entering into a conversation with someone or criticizing the person. But usually the person being outlawed by this social group is never asked to find out the truth. Like the boys in Lord of the Flies prejudices move into place in hushed tones.

So why doesn’t the group ask? I remember when I lived in Belgium I worked at the International School of Brussels. I maintained a small book store for english speaking ex-pats. There was a lady there who was the school janitor. She was a person of color. She was from Morocco. I was polite to her. I never thought she did not deserve respect. We talked briefly, never anything in depth. One day she asked me if I would like to join her for lunch and try some of her cultural foods. I jumped at the chance. The food was wonderful made of couscous, garbanzo beans and many other delightful spicy foods. As we sat eating I asked her why she picked me to share this meal with out of all the people who worked there. She said it was because I was different. I didn’t prejudge. At the time I did not realize she was Muslim and it really did not come up in our conversation because it was not about what religion we were, it was about two women enjoying each other’s company and sharing.

I think back on that sometimes. When life was simpler before I came back home and felt the circle of normal and what was expected of me. I was never really good at closing people off because they are different than me. Whether it is race, religion or social class. And when I experience it, when I am the victim of it I always go back to Piggy and the boys in Lord of the flies for clarity on why humans define social mores.

I am a dreamer. I dream about a world that is not define by nationalism or the color of our skin. What religion we are or how much money we have. I hear absolute statements all the time about social groups. I heard today about how Republications are all rich and want to stay that way excluding other social groups. I have met Republications that are just good old fashion middle of the road. I personally have not knowingly met one of these rich Republicans and I am not sure where the idea they are all rich comes from. But it is one those things that defines a person.

Like our job or work status. When two people meet they generally start talking about the interests, their job and other things that categorize them. It allows each person to define the social mores to see if we are good fit. I generally find I am attracted to people who are open minded and do not complain about others. I have met and socialized with people from Germany, Belgium, Africa, Canada, Pakistan, Mexico, Viet Nam, and China just to name a few places. I am thrilled to have learn about the differences we have. I think it makes me a better person.

So when I look at this third rock from the sun I know there will never be a one world of peace and equality but it makes my piece of earth more pleasant to at least try to be “the change in the world that you want to see”, as Gandhi said.

Love this earth, love the people. The island of anger, prejudice and hate, well like the British boys of Lord of the Flies, I just want off that island!

In my fifties I went to Europe. I noticed that women embraced aging. Most were not worried about botox or dying their hair. That is when I stopped dying my hair. I had gray hair for decades but continued to dye it. It was a nuisance at best to keep it up because underneath I was almost completely white so the slightest growth of hair showed a long white skunk line along my scalp. My hair grows fast, very fast so it was starting to be a two to three week ritual. And once I finally quit dying it I found it was so liberating. I remember women asking me if they could touch it as they had not seen hair like mine.

I thought it was a passing fancy until I came home and decided to dye it from peer pressure. The stylist I went to wouldn’t touch my hair because she said it was healthy and looked good. That got me to thinking about how we feel about aging and youth. Due to the cultural changes in today’s society I find that aging is thought of as ugly, should be hidden away and forgotten about. But many men and women do not think so.

Take Bridget Bardot. She is in her seventies and has decided to age. I have read things that say she has “let herself go”. What does that even mean? Does that mean she hasn’t done plastic surgery to stay youthful looking? What Bardot has shown me is character. That she does not live her life on the false happiness of youthful surgery.

Another woman I aspire to be like is Grace Slick. Remember Gracie Slick? She was in the band Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship and Starship. Now she is a woman in her seventies. What I love about Slick is she loves life and her broad open eyed smile always says so. She doesn’t live on what was but continues to reinvent herself. Last I heard she was into art and sells her pieces. And check this out, she has also done audiobooks for Stephen King(another aging icon). No, Slick is not aging with botox but she has a full life I aspire too. 

Aging is not for the faint of heart. As I tell people, “growing old is not for sissies”. So if you are not up for it then youth is the time to get your surgery planned so when the identity crisis hits you are ready. And this is just not just about women. There are men who have failed at plastic surgery. Who can forget the botched job that Mickey Rourke had? But there are those who have accepted that they are aging.

One of my favorites is Bob Dylan. Loved his music back in the day and I still do. Dylan turned the big 7-0 just recently and no surgery for him. He has a life he can be proud of with numerous awards. In fact “the Pulitzer Price jury in 2008 awarded him a special citation for ‘his profound impact on popular music and American culture’”. He continues to rock on! 

And Nick Nolte is one more who showed that aging has nothing to do with his work or his craft. As a actor, film producer, voice artist, comedian and former model he knows that reaching the big 7-0 doesn’t require the denial of age. 

So why the big fascination with youth? Why do we look at aging people and think “wow, they let themselves go”? We are all going to get old. Nothing we can do about it. If we are lucky enough to live out a few decades wouldn’t that be glory enough? I like seeing pretty people but I often wonder if the United States is rampant with obesity where are all the beautiful people at? Or is it all photoshopped? Most people are just getting through the day living from day to day. I think what defines beautiful people for me is the ability to embrace aging and enjoy life.

Embrace life! Live it! Keep worry and sickness at minimal! So how do any of those statements define the need to have cosmetic surgery to hang on to a short space of our lives called youth?