Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

I am a product of the times. I have an smartphone, I am a member of the Iphone clique. I use my smartphone for just about anything under the sun. I check my business accounts, read the daily news, check the weather, play games and surf the Web. I keep my notes for errands, business or other ideas that pop in my head. I use Facetime to “see” the grandkids. And rarely do I use my phone for phone calls. There is that occasional call that needs to be made. For example, yesterday I hopped on the phone because it was important to talk to my grandson.

My number one pet peeve with cellular phones is driving while talking or texting on the phone. When did we get so busy that we are glued to our phone in traffic? And who do we need to talk with such urgency? Is driving to and from wherever we are going that boring?

I don’t like talking on the phone. I rarely do. There was a time I would talk for a couple of hours with my sister on the phone. But I would plug in ear phones and be doing something else while we talked. I cannot imagine stopping and sitting to talk on the phone for more than 10 minutes which, seems like forever to me. And reception is an issue with smartphones. Every once and awhile you just drop a call. So then I have to wonder how far did I get talking before the call got dropped, only to I start all over!

But you may say, what about the kids or family or friends? Well the kids are on Facebook so I talk to them there. And grandchildren I make appointments with to talk on Facetime from time to time. Or email them. And even while talking business I just get it done and get off the call, if I can make contact by email I will do that over making a call.

I do not know what to say on the phone, I can’t see the person, I can’t get a feel for them on the phone. So I sit stalling out while the conversation usually dies out, I feel like I should be doing something. Anything. So if you are waiting for me get on the phone it usually isn’t going to happen.

I wondered where my dislike for phone calls come from. I think it is the ability to do Facetime, email, Instant Messaging or other social media exchanges. I think phone calls are passe, well at least for me.

I use my smartphone ever single day. I carry it around faithfully. But not for calls. For the news, weather, Itunes or games. I check my email, Facebook, take pictures, or notes. I check the bank, the Internet or go to Amazon. I even explore the universe on the App named “Star Walk”. All in a day’s adventure on my phone but rarely do I make a call or get a call.

Am I the only one who is not into phone calling?

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest

Against the sweet earth’s flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,

And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear

A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;

Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,

But only God can make a tree.

~ Joyce Kilmer, 1886-1918~

In my youth my height, which is 5′ 4”, was considered the average height. I felt, well average. I like average, it is a nice place to be.

As time has passed I am wondering about all the trees or the tall people in my family. How did they get so tall? Was it the increase in pollution? I know, maybe they are mutants. Or was it better health and nutrition? I think most people want to believe this to be the case.

Elm Tree photographed by Herbert Steed

Most days it doesn’t bother be to live among the trees. The women are now averaging 5′ 8” while the men shade me in their shadow from about 6′ 1” to 6′ 5”. The grandchildren are growing fast and will soon pass me by. It really isn’t too much of an issue until I am in close quarters say, like cooking with hungry trees rooting around the kitchen. There simply is no light! No elbow room!

Would I change it? Never, ever, not in a heartbeat. I love my trees. They make me feel sheltered and protected. Trees are intended to grow close and mine do that just that. It is okay until my son, Micah, decides to scoop me in for a hug and pat me on the head. Then with a smile he says, “mom you are so cute and short”.

That dear reader is worth all the shaded, crowded room my trees share with me.

On stardate 4523.3 is when history records the takeover. Captain James T Kirk and his crew are called by the Federation to assess a priority one distress call at Deep Space Station K7. The rub is that the disputed territory between the Federation and the Klingons Empire has a problem. A real problem. There, soon to be hidden in the grain storage and multiplying like maniacs are those cute little Tribbles. Those furry little asexual animals who look and act harmless, purring and soft. But alas! The Tribbles have one mortal enemy, Klingons.

Oh I loved the Trouble with Tribbles which first aired on Star Trek on December 29, 1967. I was amused when they overtook the Enterprise and Kirk looked overwhelmed in a pile of Tribbles.

Well, that is until I found out those little critters have two disturbing issues. One, they hate Klingons right? So when they interact with Klingons they emit the loudest, shrillest ear-piercing shriek. They jump and get aggressive toward the Klingons and the effort was not wasted on them either, the Klingons hated them too.

At first Kirk and his crew do not see the problem until they found those little critters created another issue. Of course they hated the Klingons but if that was not enough what really brought Star Fleet Command to this corner of the universe was that Tribbles multiplied worse that rabbits and McCoy told Captain Kirk that these maniacs have “only two purposes in life, to eat and reproduce”.

If you were and are a original Star Trek fan you loved this crazy furry like animal. Oh, they get them control, how else could they end the show?

A side note I had forgotten was the retaliation by the Enterprise towards the Klingons for creating the problem. Scotty decided to beam the critters on the Klingon ship to let them deal with the remaining pests.

Trouble with Tribbles has taken on a life of its own. This one show has been done many times over and in 2006 it was remastered and released. A couple things were added as is usually the case when a show is remastered. For example:

Space station K7 is rendered as a CGI effect with more surface detail added. And, A Klingon ship has been added in orbit around the station that was never seen in the original episode, but was seen in the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine tribute episode, “Trials and Tribble-ations”. None of the effects from “Trials and Tribble-ations” were used in the remastered episode, although the more detailed appearance of station K7 (including a prominent K7 logo on the dome of its central module) is clearly influenced by that episode.

The story about the Tribbles probably was expected to be serious but it turned out to be one of those legendary shows in which audiences found it amusing. I loved the Tribbles and I did not care if they ate everything sight and reproduced like rabbits. I think the redeeming value they had was they could spot “bad seed” and bad seed was spotted when they were around Klingons! We learned early on as Trekkies that they could not be trusted!

And so Enterprise pulls out of the area to move on yet to another adventure. Ah, those were days, Star Trek with Captain Kirk and his crew.

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”~Sophia Loren

I feel old. But my mind does not know it. I still feel the“the fountain of youth; it is your mind…..” If you are any age over seventeen you know your mind does not know you are aging at all. The only thing that I find that works against a person aging is well, the body. It just starts to slow down and no matter how much the mind does not accept the changing, the body does know that aging happens. There are things that started happening that made me realize I could not just bounce back. It started happening in my mid-thirties. I was playing kick ball with the kids. They were happy and playful and down I went. What! What was that? It felt like my vital organs relocated. It hurt. I mean it really hurt. That was the first time I noticed that I was not seventeen anymore.

Okay that river in Egypt,“denial”was still working for me until my mid-forties. The mirror became my nemesis. It kept looking back at me while I saw my face begin to look like my mother. And what is that waddle there? Oh and gray hair? I had to get that covered and fast. However, it was not until I hit the fifties that the glorious nap while sitting in a chair began to be common place. When I was a youth I wondered how older people could just nap in a chair, gently doze off. One minute they are there and the next minute snore city is going on.

I think youth is wasted on the young. Not that young people do not have the right to it. They do. But youth without a life of information is well, just youth. There is one other thing that youth has besides vitality that aging does not. The ability to take risk without counting the cost. Once you get older you just know you have to be more reserved. Every once and awhile I miss that risk taking.

Slowing down has been the hardest for me. Both my husband and I lost our parents at a relatively young age. So we never had the opportunity of our parents passing on vital information about aging and watching how it is done. Experiences we picked up from others or reading on the internet replaced our parents. What I see now is that young people look at older people as invisible. I find this in public situations the most often. And I love it! Why? Because it affords me the opportunity to see things that I would not get to if I was noticed. For example, the other day I got up pre-dawn per my normal habit to go out and get the paper. There coming up the street were two young men. They did not even notice me. But I noticed them. I remember what it felt like to be like them. That was awfully early for them to up. Or were they still up for the night before? What were they into that they were up that early? Anyone who is past youth knows that is unusual behavior that early in the morning and we draw on our own youthful antics to wonder about the situation.

Yes, I think if I had the strength physically of youth then that would be ideal. But would I give up decades of aging for it? Never! I like aging, it is quite satisfying to know what to expect and how to plan for the future. Yes, the fountain of youth does exist,“It is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

Aging is in the eye of the beholder!

A usual habit I have is to wake up most days to a predawn day to get going. This was no different than any other day so with the coffee on and my faced washed I head out with my dogs to grab the morning paper, check out the day and then clear my head to get going. That is when I first noticed the gossip going on.

It is probably important to note that this not slander. No one was being defamed or maligned. No one was being criticized. The information was truly sensational gossip.

It started in the back yard. Bats. Yep, bats sweeping the yard. I could just see the outline of their flitting bodies when I noticed the gossip going on. Sensational news! This yard has mosquitoes, we can fill our bellies easily here. Put out the word, as the chatty talk kept up.

Then the chirping began. The avian life awoke with morning gossip. The owls called from one tree to another. Over here! Over here! Food. The bluebirds and mockingbirds joined into the gossip.  

They were telling each other about the bird feeders down the street. “Oh, and did you enjoy the rain last night”?, they say. “That means most of these yards will be having bugs that will be delightful to feed our babies.”

I took a walk about hour after daylight. The birds were still gossiping but as I walked by them it was noticeable they would quiet down their gossip in a hush hush manner so I would not here their chatty talk as they passed intimate conversation that would lead to a wealth of food and shelter for the day.

I passed a couple of mockingbirds arguing about something. The more dominant one holding the other down to the ground to prove his point. Once they saw me they broke it up and flitted to the trees. I passed, looked back over my shoulder and there they were back down on the ground settling the affair.

It only took one trip around the block to make me aware that the gossip was not to include me because I was one of the humans they were gossiping about. “Hey guys, see the lady down in that house? She has the dogs we have to watch out for but she also will feed you and put out bird baths. It is worth the risk” I hear them say, “just keep a close eye on the dogs”.

The rabbits know this too. They know when to outrun the dogs or sit in the neighbor’s yard instead of ours. I saw one of the rabbits this morning.  Sitting in my neighbor’s yard as smug as could be. Knowing good and well he was safe from harm. The rabbit knows there is a small dog that lives with my neighbors. But he was in the house with his people so that rabbit just sat up on its hind legs and looked so smugly through the fence at my dogs! He will have plenty to gossip about today to his family.

I don’t mind there is this kind of gossip going on in the neighborhood. I know there is no slander going on. No defamation of character. All the animals care about is the hot news that leads to their survival. The rabbits, the bats and other wildlife rely on the birds to thank the neighbors for the sanctuary they have with a delightful song. And the humans? They accept the payment gladly.

Today I was on Facebook following a thread from a black man (who said he does not like the term Afro-American because frankly he isn’t from there) as he was addressing answers from anyone who wanted to ask about what is like to be black. I found the thread enjoyable and interesting.

Okay. If you have known me more than 24 hours you know the next thing that happens is I ask questions. Loads of questions. I am so curious about who, what, where and why. My questions are never intended to attack anyone. They are intended to learn more. So please understand that if I read something and start asking questions that means you got my interest and isn’t that why you posted your thread to begin with. To get interest?

So I started the first thought. When did we start calling black people Afro-American? And here I go off on a larger tangent, so how many ethnicities are reported in the United States of America. Reportable to date I found 235 groups. Cool. The basic ones we all are familiar with like Afro-American, Asian, and White but there were a few I would like to mention that are very interesting.

Cypriot Americans find their heritage or descent speaking either Greek or Turkish. A small minority speak Arabic or Armenian. Usually members of the Greek Orthodox Church, some are Sunni Muslims. The three major states that have the largest population are New York, New Jersey and Florida. I have never knowingly met a person of this ethnicity.

Another group that I found interesting is Laxsgiik that means “Eagle in the language of the Tsimshian nation of British Columbia, Canada and southeast Alaska. Another group of individuals I do not think I have met but surely would like to.

How about Islenos? This is a spanish word for “islander”. The Islenos are descendents from the Canary Islands many of who have immigrated to Louisiana, Cuba, Venezuela and Puerto Rico. Since I have not spent a great deal of time in Louisiana I have not ran into a Isleno American.

And if you go back far enough, way far back I found that when my husband and I put “white” in the category for something we could get way more detailed. My husband could be considered a Euro-American by descent since he is from the German American ancestry. Hold your horses boys and girls that doesn’t mean he is alone. There are few famous people you and I know that claim this same descent such Marlene Dietrich, John Pershing (whom my dad was name after), Babe Ruth, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Meryl Streep and Leonardo DiCaprio.

As for me? I am not sure. I do not think I am Euro-American because I was not descended from the continent. I claim the United Kingdom as my heritage and in point of fact Wales. So that would make me Welsh-American descendent. Ha! I found a home! Along with Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Ray Milland, Bette Davis and Jack London. How exciting I am more than just white! I have a culture, a background along with 235 other ethnicities in America.

So what is all hubbub dudes about where we are from or what color we are. All of the groupings make up the 2010 U.S. Census report of 308,745,538 residents. That is of course those who turned in their census reports.

I love asking questions, finding the answers and widening my horizons. We are just a melting pot and one day will melt right into looking like Purple People Eater!