Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Meltdown. I am overdosing on technology. I have been working on Windows with Microsoft products for over thirty years. A few years ago I decided to go to college so I bought an Apple laptop, in fact a Macbook. I was already overwhelmed with the school thing so I do not know what possessed me to change from Windows to Apple right when I was starting school. I did not have the time to learn the way Apple sets up their computer. So I ended up ditching that laptop for a Windows laptop to get through school. My husband traded laptops with me and eventually passed it on to our Apple savvy son.

Once I was done with school I decided since I already have a Shuffle, iPhone and iPod why not try again so I got a iPad 2. Wow, just little things like the placement of the menu bar on the screen or learning shortcuts using command, function key instead of control, function key (depending on what option I want for example: save, copy, paste or print) I have been feeling my brain trying to switch over to the dark side.

Okay I am doing pretty good I think. Well, maybe not as good as the “Generation Y, also known as the Millennial Generation (or Millennials), Generation Next, Net Generation, Echo Boomers. This describes the demographic cohort following following Generation X”, but considering that I am using a part of my brain that has been in default mode for quite some time I think I am doing okay.

Until I introduced the keyboard to iPad 2. It is a cute little light weight aluminum keyboard that easily synced with the iPad 2 (which from here forward I will affectionately call “Paddy”). Great, how exciting, because now I can take it anywhere while I email, surf the web and get apps that are for iPads.

The most exciting app I found is for magazines that I would normally buy. Now I can read on Paddy. I got one magazine app from Martha Stewart Living and was so excited that it was animated! That never would happen in a paper magazine. Very exciting. However, the big kahuna for Paddy is the ability to do facetime. I love facetime because I can call the grandkids and follow them around while they are doing whatever they do. It is great to see them in real time.

But the meltdown came this morning. I have a small Acer netbook that I use for one thing specifically. So far I have not downloaded the option off of it to Paddy. However, last week when I got the keyboard I had thought I had effectively learned how to type and do the touch screen options. Okay at least well enough that I was feeling I had made it through the transition. Woot! Gramma in the twenty-first century. Go granny! I was feeling pretty smug I have kept up with the technology until I tried to touch screen on my Acer, which as you techies all know it DOES NOT have that option. That was when my right brain and left brain went cachink and I immediately felt myself begin to go “Oooooga, dive, dive” back into the familiar. Overload had taken place and I needed a break.

Thankfully I was able to dive right on my blog to let you (and me) know what was happening. I think I am okay now. It was close, real close but my brain cells recovered and I am “back in the saddle again” ready for another run at technology. I love my iPad 2. It was gift from my husband for our anniversary and I was ready to get it. A grandmother needs to stay in touch. But the learning curve was a tad more than I expected each time I learned something new. The keyboard was the overdose but! I made it, I crossed over to Apple! And now I am using it for everything. Who needs to waste paper anyway now I can go completely green. And as a avid tree hugger that is extremely appealing.

Cited: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Y

“The language is perpetually in flux: it is a living stream, shifting, changing, receiving new strength from a thousand tributaries, losing old forms in the backwaters of time.”—E.B. White, The Elements of Style

Language, in point of fact, the English language is complex and varied. Ever changing and making new rules or stretching the old rules. First as a child we are challenged to master the grammar rules as we start our grammatical education with plurals, nouns, prepositions that led to questions like “if one box is “box” then why isn’t many boxes called “boxen”? It works for ox when the plural becomes oxen, right? My favorite ponderings are about eggplant and hamburger. I mean, where is the eggs in eggplant? And hamburger has nothing to do with ham does it?

And just when we get that down new rules of communication come our way due to social media. In reading Open Forum I found familiar new rules that I have become accustomed to. Here are a few examples:

Stumble: this use to mean to walked unsteadily (something I do regularly). But now we find that if we “stumble upon” while on the Internet it means to discover new Web pages, videos or photos. I find I look at Stumble Upon at least once a week and to find something I want to share that is new and unique on social media. No, I did not misstep I know exactly what I am looking for. And the Internet allows me to stumble onto new and exciting ideas.

Troll: Oh this is my favorite. I thought a Troll was a fairy tale creature like Shrek right? Not anymore! To troll is “someone who intentionally provokes others in an emotional tizzy….in various online forums or social networks-and apparently gets off on it.” I have been entrapped in this and blurted out some horrible response that makes me feel bad once I responded in a reactionary way. Sometimes I can catch it in time to delete the response. I didn’t know there was a name for it! And I didn’t know someone was getting off on my discomfort.

At: Can be the symbol @ or just directing someone to a particular person or brand. Ha! Here I thought it was a preposition for a noun. Things have change, haven’t they?

Spam: Remember Spam? It is a food product that can be bought at any market. Now it has morphed into a completely different meaning. Every knows what spam is today because we all get those unsolicited email message cluttering up our email Inbox.

These are just a few old words with new meaning that have been added to our vocabulary. The list goes on and on. Like ping, wall or hacking. We might have thought we were confused before but now the work out on word usage has expanded. And yet, I still ask myself about some words already in use and their meaning like:

            “If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?

            If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

            Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English

            Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane?”

The English language is fascinating. Americans have words that can be different from the British. Mean something completely different. For example, if you are pissed in America you are angry but if you are pissed in the UK you are drunk. And can you even begin to imagine translating to another language!

For example: “she is going to have a baby” in German is “Sie wird ein Baby haben” which roughly means “It will have a baby”. It makes a difference in translation doesn’t it?  

I love learning new things and with our new age vocabulary I get a quite a work out.

RELIGION: By saying you better pray it comes out of the carpet.

ROOTS: By saying “Shut that door behind you; you weren’t born in a barn!”

LOGIC: By saying “because I said so!”

FORESIGHT: By saying “wear clean underwearr in case you are in an accident.”

STAMINA: By saying “you’ll sit there till all that spinach is gone.”

ANTICIPATION: By saying “just wait until your father gets home.”

WISDOM: By saying “you’ll understand when you get to be my age.”

JUSTICE: By saying “one day you will have kids and they will turn out just like you!”

My 1 day employment
So after landing my new job as a  Wal-Mart   greeter,
a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day…

About two hours into my first day on the job a very

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats..
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

I'm Gonna Be A Bear!

Gonna be a bear

In this life I’m a woman. In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. When your a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, your suppose to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When your a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while your sleeping and wake up to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If your a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. you swat away anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.